As of today ...

How many times have you gone to someones house and the first thing they say is,"Sorry about the mess." You look around, maybe notice a few things out of place, but then genuinely respond,"I didn't even notice and I SO don't care." :) You have some coffee, the kids play and good times are had by all regardless of the "mess".

I have decided that I am no longer going to apologize for the state of my house.

Ever.

Again.

I am a clean person. I own more than one label maker and I use them both almost daily. I am an organizer. My clothes are hung in my closet in descending color order first with solids then prints. So are my shoes. The bills in my wallet all face the same direction and the $1's are in the front.

But I have two small children. That is not an excuse, but an explanation. That is why there is a trail of cotton balls from my bathroom to the kitchen. Audrey got them out and Devon used them as bombs. That is why my shoes are in the kitchen, living room, bathroom and by the front door. Audrey pulled them from my organized closet, one pair at a time and clomps around the house in them. Today Devon was a ninja turtle, Spiderman, Iron Man and Iron Man pretending to be Spiderman and it's only 1:00. There are swords and costumes in my room. The couch cushions are also in my room so he could "cross the bridge". I never make my bed anymore because the kids want to snuggle and jump and fight so making the bed seems like a waste of time.

The dishes? Oh yes. How could I forget. I didn't do them yet. I was going to, but we were having a bomb fight with a hackey sack daddy found at a job sight, Audrey was having one tantrum after another and there just wasn't time. I had the groceries delivered today for the delivery fee of $4 so all of the bomb fights and not-doing-the-dishes could occur. Needless to say I slept in the dress I wore yesterday and I'm still wearing it. That is just the type of day it is.

So yeah. I'm not apologizing for the messy state of my house because anyone who comes over is someone I know understands my life. They understand that I WANT to have a clean house, but it may not be clean at that moment. I usually clean the house at the end of the day so if you happen to come by during the-kids-are-awake-o'clock then you will not see my home neat and tidy. And I am not one of those moms who will "someday miss the mess". I won't. I long for a clean house. But I will miss the things that coincided with a messy house and how all the problems the kids had during that time were so simple. Devon can't find the rocket launcher for his Iron Man guy and Audrey wants me to read the same book to her for the 5th time in a row. Simple problems that don't involve scary things like teenage driving, broken hearts and being late for curfew.

I'm off to do the dishes now. I am going to distract the kids with lunch and a cartoon that will probably rot their brain so I can wash dishes without getting pelted by bombs. But they will love the cartoon just the way we loved cartoons when we were kids and we turned out ok, right?

I was stopped at a red light yesterday and the couple in the truck next to me took the opportunity to make out. He brushed away a curl of her hair and continued on their way.

I am concerned about the boniness of my cat Sampson. He will be 13 this year if he makes it through November. I took him to the vet about this time of year last year when he dropped from 20 to 10 pounds. The vet said that he would be surprised if Sam made it past Thanksgiving, believing that he has lymphoma or something similar. My last cat, Jasmine, literally died on Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Thanksgiving is turning out to be sorta sucky.

Joe and I went bowling for our date last night. We drank bad Miller Lite on draft and I won all three games. I admit that the last game came down to one measly point. Sorry honey, but I was on a bowling league as a kid on the east side. And we won. After bowling we went to Cafe Poca Cosa for chips and salsa, sangria, home made tortillas and fresh entrees. Topped off the night with vodka black raspberry daiquiris and an episode of mad men. Full.

It's not always about the kids

This is Elizabeth Blue.

She started attending my yoga classes when she was in high school. I didn't know her extremely well, but I knew she was a dancer, had a beautiful practice, had a quiet presence and a sweet smile. She was diagnosed with lymphoma last year, went through chemo and lost her hair. She stopped coming to yoga because she "lost my hair, my confidence and my beauty". Her words, not mine. She was eventually cancer free and took this photo after her last treatment. 

A few months later they found a tumor in her brain. Brain cancer. A few months after that she died. She was 22 years old. She was a creative writing major at the UofA and you can read her AMAZING blog at http://freshlyshavedlegs.tumblr.com. She had a family funeral at home, but I attended her memorial last weekend. I honestly thought I would be able to make it through with out crying, but I damn near cried when I looked at photos and momentos of her laid out on a table not two minutes after I walked into the room. Her mom, sister, best friends and family members spoke and her step mom sang. Such strength that she was able to sing all the way through. Her best friend blew me away. I still think about what she said. "Elizabeth was a queen. My soul mate. The love of my life. She would be so happy to see all of you crying right now." We all started to laugh at the absurdity that our tears would make her happy knowing that we all cared for her so much and were so upset that she was dead that we would be crying like a bunch of babies. And I guess she's right. When she was done with her speech I felt like clapping for her. I was not the only one and the whole place erupted with cheers and clapping ... myself included.  They talked about her feminism, her smoking and her lovers. I watched her parents expressions and they just laughed along with all of us at the mention of their dead daughters' many lovers. It was a memorial, but a celebration! No cliche hymns or prayers or sanitized, appropriate stories. It was true and beautiful. 

Her mom put together a photo mantage that turned me inside out. I was a puddle of tears. I was there with a few other yoga teachers and we just passed tissues and cried together. They showed pictures of her at home after she died covered in lace and rose petals. Such a tender photo. It was an amazing service and it doesn't feel dramatic to say that being there changed me on some level.

Going from the service back to life makes me think about what is important to me. What I want to happen to my body after I die. The people I love the most and what I believe in. It makes me so incredibly disgusted at petty fights, snide comments, lies told, mean looks and meanness that goes on between people and family members when life is so incredibly short. We all think we are going to die when we are old, but not all of us will. We think,"I'm mad at so-and-so because they did such-and-such to me so I will be mad at them." Such a waste of time. I know that not everyone has the life that I have so maybe it's easier for them to be angry. I have been lucky to have found true love. My soul mate ... if you believe in that :) He is kind, funny, smart, gentle, honorable and loving. I haven't even mentioned how handsome he is. It's like I can't spend enough time with him. I have two healthy, children who have all the same qualities of their dad and yet are these little unique rays of light in my heart. I have a college degree, a home and a reliable car. I have an honest relationship with each of my four siblings and I happily visit my parents at least once a week. So yeah, maybe it's easy for me to let petty things go by the wayside because, quite frankly, I prefer to be drama free and live a happy life because that's what I choose. About a year ago I found cancer on my body and I was lucky enough to have caught it early. I have my whole life to live and I choose to be happy.

Devon: August

The tradition of "blue water" continues. It's just water and food coloring, but my brother used to make it for me when I was little. Best blue water in the west!

Although he is getting less and less attached every day, Devon still loves to snuggle and be carried to his bed like a baby every night. I'm sure he'd still go in the pouch if I would ask him.

Is there anything cuter than a tiny, little bum?

Oh wait ... I think there is :)

The super hero obsession marches on. He pretty much dresses like this every day with a varying degree of super hero shirt and mask. The boots make him sweaty lately so he's been wearing his crocks more often, but he's always a spectacle when we go out.

I LOVE this expression. He does it when he's being truly adorable, but doesn't know it. He's content and happy and maybe even a little shy.

I don't know why, but this picture reminds me of Marilyn Monroe. Maybe it's because he's just so damn pretty :)

Audrey: August

Audrey loves to play in her tee pee, peek a boo and read books in it. I got the quilt from my mom who got it from her mom. I wrapped it around the pipes and pinned it in place. It's not a finished quilt so I'll be able to use it later.

Audrey can be such a sweet little girl. She is very helpful throwing away her diapers, cleaning up her toys and doing what I ask ... unless we are in public and I am asking her to follow me then all bets are off.

She can also be very 2 :) Of course she has her momentous tantrums where she throws herself on the floor (without hitting her head of course) rolls onto her back and tantrums her way across the floor. It's pretty amazing to watch.

Audrey and Devon are great running errands with me and are usually well behaved. Audrey doesn't always cooperate with sitting in the cart, but she will follow me on foot pretty well. She loves to run up and down the aisle charming the other shoppers.

Diva. Loves her blanket and her kitty.

"Look mom! Tortoise! Just like at grandma's house!"

Boo!

So pretty. Usually with a snack in hand. Audrey hasn't been eating full meals, but tends to do more snacking. Even when I cut her off from snacks she still doesn't eat meals and will just skip eating. 

Audrey is a very busy girl and wants to touch and feel and explore everything around her. She needs to know what sound it makes and what it tastes like. She loves animals and is very gentle with them. She has figured out how to get up and down the stairs, but still manages to give mom a heart attack when she tried to go down them herself. Audrey loves to play super heroes with her brother, when he lets her, and I am reading to her constantly. First thing she says to me every morning is,"Mom? Read to you?" She loves the big hungry bear and the red, ripe strawberry, which was a book I loved as a kid.