Audrey: 4 months (November)

Little Audrey is not so little anymore! She is getting bigger by the day. She barely fits into 3-6 month clothes and definitely fits better in her 6-9 month stuff. It is getting colder so I am having to layer all her summer dresses with sweaters and long sleeve onesies. Girls clothes are convenient that way.

Devon loves being a big brother and is eager to feed Audrey a bottle. He does at least one feeding a day and holds her often. It is so cute to see him share his toys with her and lay down next to her when she's on her play mat.

She is starting to have more of an interest in toys and kicks her legs with surprising force! She is getting so strong and showing off that little personality.

Audrey is a sleeping champ! She is down to two naps a day and it is amazing. She usually sleeps during our morning outing (ie: park, Children's Museum, etc) for an hour or so, but manages to stay awake and enjoy most of it. Once we get home she goes down around 11:30 and sleeps until 4:00. If she's not up by 4:00 I wake her up. She takes an evening bottle and is asleep around 7:30. She has been waking up around 3:00am lately for a feeding, but she sleeps so well otherwise I don't mind getting up with her. Everyday is a little different so she keeps me on my toes.

She is this close to rolling over. She turned on her side the other day and she is figuring it out. She will be rolling over any day now so no more leaving her on the changing table, I guess ;)

I love to put her in dresses, but she ends up grabbing the bottom, pulling it up and drooling all over it that I often have to change her into another outfit because she soaked through it. It's gross and funny at the same time. She likes to be holding something so I try to give her a toy or a blanket.

She is laughing and cooing and is so alert. She is very ticklish! She loves to be held facing out so she can see what is going on, but loves to snuggle up close right before nodding off to sleep.

Just sucking our thumbs.

I love doing her hair and even made a few barrettes out of flowers. She is pretty happy to sit while I do her hair and she looks so damn cute with a little pony "fountain" on the top of her head.

My super crafty sister, Katy, made this blanket. She even made a doll size one for her little, blue cradle. It has adorable fabric that I love, love love! Thanks, Katy!

This lavender blanket was made by my Mom. It is so soft. Isn't it beautiful? Thanks Mom!

Audrey loves to smile at her Daddy, but is quite the Mama's girl at the moment and she cries pretty much the whole time if I leave her at home. It feels good to be needed, but it's sad that she has such a difficult time.

I am just loving every moment with this little girl. She is just such a good, sweet natured and calm baby she is easy to fall in love with. It is such a special time for our family as we head into the holidays, making new traditions, making new memories and celebrating as a complete family of 4.

Jasmine: 2001-November 27, 2010

I will miss you, sweet girl.



Xox,
A.

It's not always about the kids

Jasmine watch ... day 12

Last Tuesday at 9:00 I was on my way to a play date with a new friend and her two children who are exactly the same ages as my kids. She also has a boy and a girl. She is a very sweet Mom and always makes me feel encouraged. She is a positive person and I appreciate that most about her.

As I was driving to her home all I could feel was gratitude.

Gratitude for the fact that I was NOT on my way to put my sweet Jasmine to sleep. I made a 9:00 appointment to put her down, but I happily cancelled it on Monday because she was doing so much better. I can't believe I almost put her down at the advice of the vet. I know the vet wasn't flippant about putting her to sleep, but I also felt like she wanted me to do it in that moment. It's not like I have this stray cat that I found and she's sick ... that cat is almost 9!!! She's a member of the family so you would think that more caution and more options would be considered to save her.

At least I listened to my own instincts and didn't give up. She is eating better and I got her a fountain so she can have access to running water any time of the day. Hydration is extremely important with kidney issues so that should really help her. She is up and around more and even ran away from Devon ;)I haven't seen her run in a while so that is good. I don't know what's wrong with her, but I hope that she is getting over it.

Things are really looking up! Thanks for your concern.

In other news ... nursing the baby isn't going very well to say the least. I noticed that she was fussy and crying when she was feeding and I could just tell there wasn't much milk. I decided that I would give her a bottle of formula and pump and see how much milk there was. I put her to bed at 7:00 and pumped at midnight. I would normally get 5 ounces, but I BARELY got two. Not good. I pumped again at 7:00 am and I only got two ounces. After 7 hours I only got 2 ounces. Not good.

This also happened with Devon around this same time (3-4 months). My milk just went away. It's funny how we (as Moms) can have so much guilt over things that are out of our control. I felt like I wasn't being a good Mom to him by not being able to provide milk, but I know it's not my fault and there's only so much you can do. I cried every feeding that I had to give him formula. I felt like I was failing as a Mom and it really made me depressed. I still feel guilt about stopping with Devon even though I know I did everything I could. When my supply went down I put on weight to make sure I was eating enough, I pumped every two hours (even though he was sleeping through the night), I took medication to increase the hormone that helps produce milk ... for three months. When he was 7 months his pediatrician begged me to stop because he could see that I was visibly stressed by the whole thing so I did. I'm glad he gave me permission to do that and I immediately started to feel better.

I have tried many things to boost my supply and some women just don't have a lot of milk. I am one of those women. Some women make TONS of milk and have more than enough to feed their babies and freeze milk for a year. I am not one of those women. I pumped a few days ago and when I only got an ounce I decided to stop breastfeeding. It makes me extremely sad to stop since I really do enjoy that time with her, but if there's no milk there's no milk.

I read a recent study that found that the benefits of breast milk really only apply to the first week of life since the colostrum and the hind milk (milk for the first month) that follows it are the most important antibodies and nutrients that a baby needs. After that, as long as the baby is getting milk it doesn't matter if it's breast milk or formula.

I have tried a few of the frozen dinners that I made and I have to tell you that I'm not impressed with most of it. It tastes like "left overs" even though I bake it in the oven. Does that make sense? The mashed potatoes were pretty unappetizing (very starchy and doughy) and the stuffed pasta shells were a little dry. I'm sure all of this takes a little finesse, but I don't know if it's worth it. I do think that spaghetti sauce is perfectly fine frozen. I will admit that even though the food hasn't been great, on the few occasions where we did eat them it was a lifesaver to have something ready to go. I think I might try a few soups since the weather is getting colder it might be nice to have that on hand.

I am dreading the holidays, but I am trying to stay positive. I do not have that "holiday gene" that most of my family seems to have. We put up a tree every year and I enjoy that I have to admit. I like going to the lot, picking out a live tree, watching Joe heft it into the house all by his manly self and setting it up together. We don't usually do gifts for each other, but this year we are going to and I decided that we should do stockings and start our own traditions with the kids. I am excited to give my gift to Joe and to watch Devon enjoy his first real xmas as a "big boy" since he is finally old enough to open gifts and articulate a bit better. It's Audrey's first xams this year and our first xmas as a complete family.

Xox,
A.

It's not always about the kids: Jasmine watch ... day 5

This is Jasmine.

She is almost 9 years old.

Nicknames include Jasim (Devon calls her that), the femur, the fu foo, the girl and the foof.

She was found in a parking lot when she was just a kitten and we have been loving her ever since then. We got her because our other cat, Sampson, was depressed and needed a companion to cheer her up. She is a sweet cat. She doesn't like everyone, but if you're lucky enough to have her like you she will never leave your side. She follows me into the bathroom every time I go. EVERY time. She nibbles on my toes. She sleeps in the bed with us at night and often wakes us up because she walks back and forth over Joe and I. If I'm really lucky she will burrow underneath the covers and snuggle at my feet. She will only eat tuna if it's really fresh, sashimi quality fish. She loves to have her front teeth rubbed and wags her tail like a dog. She is a sweet kitty.

A few days ago we couldn't find her anywhere. When we finally found her she had lost weight and was noticeably lethargic. She wouldn't drink or eat anything. Her back legs would slip out from under her when she went up or down the stairs. It was very sad to watch her limp around. I took her her to the vet and she weighted 5 pounds. She normally weighs 10. A normal cat fever is 100 and she was 104 ... VERY high for a small cat. They gave her IV fluids, meds and took some blood. Turns out she has chronic kidney failure. They said that she would need a 2 day hospital stay ($550 on TOP of the cost of the tests that I already paid for) and sub Q fluids every day ... for the rest of her life. Having to poke a needle into my cat every day for the rest of her life is no life for her. I can't put her through that and I have a feeling that she would not even let me do that for very long anyway. She sent me home.

I went back a few days later to talk about our options and the vet said that if I wasn't going to give her fluids that I should put her down. I told her that I wasn't ready to do that in that moment. Jasmine was doing OK at that time and it seemed premature to put down an animal that seemed "fine". I had them give her another IV and took her home. I made an appointment for Tuesday at 9:00 to take her in and have her put to sleep.

Heartbreaking doesn't begin to cover it. I had this cat before I had my children. I used to literally cry on the way to the airport when Joe and I would go out of town because I was worried about leaving my cats alone.

HOWEVER ... I have to tell you that she is doing so much better today!!! She is not 100% by any means, but she IS doing better today. She is drinking water, walking around and she is sleeping in our bed during the day which is a HUGE change since she has been hiding in our closet most of the time. She is purring again and her eyes seem brighter. She is rolling on the floor and showing me her belly so I can scratch it ;)

Maybe she ate something poisonous and it's just working its way through her system? Maybe she is just really sick, but not terminally sick? Maybe I am in denial and want to think that she is doing better, but she's really not? It's possible. Whatever happens, I canceled my appointment to take her in and I am going to take it one day at a time and see how she does. I am just giving her lots of love, water, trying to get her to eat food and hoping that is enough to get her through this. It is not her time to go and I'm not giving up on her!

The point is ... I am hopeful.

Xox,
A.

Halloween 2010

I asked Devon what he wanted to be for Halloween and he said,"Pooh" and never wavered. I found this cute Pooh costume online and it even has a stuffed "belly full of honey". When we first showed Devon his costume I wasn't sure if he would love it or cry. He walked up to it and hugged it so I knew we would be OK with getting him to wear it. I was not really interested in getting Audrey into a major costume since she's so little so I went to Savers, found a pink onesie, made some ears out of a wash cloth and headband, put some "baby legs" on her and she was Piglet. I feel a little guilty for not making her first Halloween costume more of a big deal, but seriously ... she's 3 months old! Regardless, I think they both looked so cute!

Don't they both look thrilled? Ha!

I took them to a Halloween party at this play group we go to on Friday morning. They had a few games, but it was too hot for poor little Pooh bear so we didn't stay for more than an hour. His costume is basically an arctic jacket with ears and pants so I'll need to be more careful next year with getting Devon to choose something more weather appropriate.

Friday night I thought it would be a nice family outing to go and get a pumpkin. We put Devon in a wagon and wheeled him around this huge tent and let him pick out two pumpkins to carve. It was a really nice set up. They had great live music, there was BBQ being cooked, beautiful orange, green and while pumpkins, tractors ... it was oddly peaceful being their with my sweet dolly asleep in my arms and Joe pulling Devon in a wagon.

Devon got to pet a goat, see the pigs and sit in tractors. I didn't know they were working tractors until he hit a button and the engine turned over. Oops!

The finished product.

Joe did the "Nighmare before Xmas" inspired one on the left and I did a classic happy face on the right.

On Saturday evening Joe's parents came over to see the kids in their costumes.

We met Jane and her family at the mall for trick or treating. They were Danny, Sandra and the pink ladies from Grease. Such a cute idea as a family concept.

Devon is still not really ready for Halloween so I didn't want to do door-to-door trick or treating anyway. 45 minutes of indoor candy getting was perfect for us. He got to see other kids in costume and I know he liked eating his suckers two at a time. He totally melted down when we tried to get him to eat dinner, but we went home and he was happily in bed by 7:15. It ended up being a pretty stressful experience for me and I don't think I was able to relax enough to really be able to enjoy it, but I think that Devon had a great time and in the end that's really what matters, right?

I have made a point of NOT eating Devon's candy ;) It's sort of lame when parents take their babies trick or treating just so they can have the candy. If he got something that he can't have (ie: jaw breakers) I just throw them out. He didn't get much candy anyway, but he got more candy than he's ever had in his life and it's kind of fun to indulge him this one time and let him taste it all. So far he likes suckers, air heads, sour candy and pixie sticks. The CUTEST thing by far is what he calls Twix candy bars. He calls them "chocolate toes". Hilarious.

Devon (October)

Devon is amazing. His language and understanding has totally shifted! It's pretty remarkable what he can remember and what he can say. Lately, when he gets upset I can ask him to be a nice boy, he quiets down and I am able to explain to him why he's not allowed to reach into the knife drawer or play with scissors or have 3 juice boxes at once ;)99% of the time this works and we can move onto something else.

Sometimes it doesn't work at all (he is 2 after all), but I am learning to be more patient ;) He is totally saying 4 and 5 work sentences and we have been working on turning those one word sentences into phrases like,"More milk please, Mama." Instead of just saying "more" or "milk" or "Mama" and pulling on me. He is learning the power of the word "please" and I must admit that I usually give him what he wants as long as he says please (as long as I don't have to remind him to say it). I don't give in every time, of course, but I think it's important for kids to learns manners at a young age.

Just this morning he was getting into the fridge and pointed to the egg carton and said,"Eggs come from chickens." I know that's not ground breaking news, but ... HE'S 2!!! Amazing.

Devon loves to play cars and trains complete with little boy sound effects. He got several tractors and "guys" (GI Joe type dolls) for his birthday and loves to carry them around. He is super fast on his little car and rides from one end of the house to another at top speed and somehow manages to stop just before slamming into the cabinets. Every time he does this I'm sure he's going to crash and he never does.

Devon loves to hold his sister. He is learning to be more gentle with her and to whisper when she is sleeping. He is happy to have her around while we play and I haven't seen any jealousy yet so maybe I won't.

You can't win all the time I suppose.

He is so funny! He says the most hilarious things sometimes I start to laugh which makes him laugh which makes me laugh .... it's funny.

He has been going into his play garden and using his imagination to pick tomatoes and squash. He will bring me handful of these imaginary fruits and I am expected to gobble them right up because he is coming right back with more.

He is starting to have some say in what he wears and definitely knows what he doesn't like. I make sure to praise him when he picks out something cute so he will be more likely to wear it again.

Any time he has two of anything he calls them "friends". Two peppers, two toys, two shoes ... friends. They often kiss and hold hands.

He decided that Pooh Bear needed to visit the beauty parlor for a wash and a curl.

Devon loves eating crasins, pumpkin cake, rice cakes, pokey sticks and tamarindo (this nasty, slightly spicy Mexican candy you squeeze through a tube). I started giving him a big boy bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and I think he loves eating out of a bowl all by himself. I remember giving him Cheerios when he was just a little baby so it's cute to see him being such a "big" kid. He is eating pretty well these days, but I still have to feed him to really get a full meal in that little belly.

I think he is finally coming out of his shell with other kids and now wants to give out hugs and fist bumps to his friends. I think his cousin Sadie helped him with that because she is so gentle and calm with him and they see each other once a week now. They even hold hands when we walk to the car through the parking lot. He is learning to really play with other kids sharing toys (instead of watching from my lap) and will wander away from me to play, something he doesn't do unless we're at home. If I'm not right there with him he will find me and drag me over to where he is playing. I don't mind, but it makes me happy that he's feeling comfortable and being more independent around other children.

I occasionally go to Trader Joe's when I need a few, specific things and they have these really cute kid sized carts. I let Devon push one around and I grab stuff off the shelf for him to put in his cart. He is quite the spectacle. He is very serious about this cart and pushing it. ;)

Devon has an amazing memory for names. He remembers kids' names he met twice and nearly every day he lists off (almost) every member of both sides of our family. My personal favorite is "Aunt Nick". I don't correct him either. Sorry, Aunt Nick ;)

Devon loves to run! He is so fast and runs even faster if the right music is playing. He learned how to jump all by him self so I have had to stop using phrases like,"Let's go jump in the tub." or "Jump down," because I don't really need to take a trip to the emergency for stitches ;)

I have been waiting until I ran out of size 5 diapers to officially begin potty training and that time is rapidly approaching. I think I feel this pressure to potty train him because "boys take longer" (not actually true so I wish people would stop telling me that. They potty train just as fast as girls sitting down, but they also have to learn to go standing up so people consider the standing part as "fully potty trained" ... lame), but I don't think either of us are ready. What's the rush? He can't even get his pants down by himself so I would have to take him every time. What's the point in that? I know it saves money on diapers, but really it can wait a few more months when things settle down a bit and he is a little more willing. Potty training can be very psychologically damaging or embarassing for kids if they are pressured to do it when they're not ready and I don't think a lot of parents think about that. They just want their kid trained first among their peers or they hate changing diapers or whatever. Regardless ... we're not ready yet ;)

Devon is such a tender boy. Even though he can be difficult to handle when his tantrums are in full swing, he is still a very sweet and thoughtful child. He seems to have genuine concern for people and wants to be a good helper all the time. Whether it's bringing Audrey a pacifier, giving out massages, throwing away garbage or cooking in the kitchen Devon loves to be helpful. He is so happy when he gets to be a "little chef" (from Ratatoulle, said in a high pitched voice) and help me pour or stir when I'm preparing food.

It's very cute to see Devon mimic me. If I am holding the baby he will go get a doll, wrap her in a blanket and sit next to me on the couch. I sometimes call Audrey "dolly" because she is such a doll ;) He puts his "dollars" in the cradle or pushes them in the swing. The red haired doll was mine when I was little.

This past month has been a tough one on many levels, but we are starting to get into a new routine and I am learning the activities that Devon truly likes. I try to make sure we do fun things everyday as well as spending quality time at home. Devon still follows his Daddy around the house everywhere he goes for every second that he's home. I love to see them interact and I am always inpressed (and a little envious) with the activities they do together. Joe made Devon a tee pee out of cactus ribs and a rocketship and a gun out of drawing paper. So creative, Daddy!

Joe and I are so in love with this little boy and count ourselves lucky everyday.

Chicken with black pepper maple sauce

You will lick your plate when you eat this. I promise. It is SO good and so easy to make. I am not a huge fan of simultaneously sweet and salty food, but this is an exception. It may sound like a lot of time and a lot of work, but it's not. While the chicken is cooking you make the sauce. Easy!

Ingredients:

1 (3- to 3 1/2-lb) whole chicken
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
5 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 (3-inch-long) sprigs fresh rosemary plus 1 (1-inch-long) sprig
1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns
1/4 cup dark amber or Grade B maple syrup
3/4 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth
1/4 cup cider vinegar

Preparation:
* Let me just start by saying that I use 4 chicken breasts. None of this cut-the-backbone-with-kitchen-shears-nonsense. Gross. Just use chicken breasts and it's perfectly good and less time consuming.* Carry on!

Cut out backbone from chicken with kitchen shears and discard. Pat chicken dry, then spread flat, skin side up, on a cutting board. Cut a 1/2-inch slit on each side of chicken in center of triangle of skin between thighs and breast (near drumstick), then tuck bottom knob of each drumstick through slit. Tuck wing tips under breast. Sprinkle chicken all over with salt and ground pepper.


* I took a large boiling pot and put my tea pot in it to weigh it down. I filled the tea pot with water. You really do need to use a weight so the chicken gets that lovely crunch to the outside. I can't figure out how to get the crunch AND get the inside of the chicken to stay moist, but I don't care. I'd rather have crunchy dry chicken than not crunchy moist chicken.*


Heat 3 tablespoons butter in 10-inch cast-iron or heavy nonstick skillet over moderate heat until foam subsides. Add chicken, skin side down, and arrange larger rosemary sprigs over chicken. Cover with parchment round and second skillet, then top with weights. Cook chicken until skin is browned, about 15 minutes. Remove and reserve weights, top skillet, parchment, and rosemary, then carefully loosen chicken from skillet with a spatula. Turn chicken over and re-place rosemary sprigs, then re-cover with parchment, skillet, and weights. Cook until chicken is just cooked through, 15 to 20 minutes more.

*Let me start again by saying I don't bother toasting whole peppercorns and crush with a rolling pin unless I REALLY have time to do it. And who really cares, anyway? I just use ground pepper. * Carry on!

Make sauce while chicken cooks:
Toast peppercorns in a dry 1-quart heavy saucepan over moderate heat, shaking pan occasionally, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a clean cutting board and coarsely crush with a rolling pin. Return peppercorns to saucepan and bring to a simmer with syrup, 1/2 cup broth, and small rosemary sprig, then reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes.

Transfer chicken to a platter and loosely cover with foil. Add vinegar to skillet and deglaze, boiling and scraping up brown bits with a wooden spoon until liquid is reduced by half. Stir in maple mixture and remaining 1/4 cup broth and boil until slightly syrupy, about 3 minutes. Reduce heat to low and swirl in remaining 2 tablespoons butter. Season sauce with salt and pour through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl, discarding solids. Serve chicken with sauce.

I made this with herbed potatoes and used the maple sauce on the chicken and as dipping sauce for my potatoes ... then I licked the plate ;)

De-vine. Enjoy!