It's not always about the kids

This is Elizabeth Blue.

She started attending my yoga classes when she was in high school. I didn't know her extremely well, but I knew she was a dancer, had a beautiful practice, had a quiet presence and a sweet smile. She was diagnosed with lymphoma last year, went through chemo and lost her hair. She stopped coming to yoga because she "lost my hair, my confidence and my beauty". Her words, not mine. She was eventually cancer free and took this photo after her last treatment. 

A few months later they found a tumor in her brain. Brain cancer. A few months after that she died. She was 22 years old. She was a creative writing major at the UofA and you can read her AMAZING blog at http://freshlyshavedlegs.tumblr.com. She had a family funeral at home, but I attended her memorial last weekend. I honestly thought I would be able to make it through with out crying, but I damn near cried when I looked at photos and momentos of her laid out on a table not two minutes after I walked into the room. Her mom, sister, best friends and family members spoke and her step mom sang. Such strength that she was able to sing all the way through. Her best friend blew me away. I still think about what she said. "Elizabeth was a queen. My soul mate. The love of my life. She would be so happy to see all of you crying right now." We all started to laugh at the absurdity that our tears would make her happy knowing that we all cared for her so much and were so upset that she was dead that we would be crying like a bunch of babies. And I guess she's right. When she was done with her speech I felt like clapping for her. I was not the only one and the whole place erupted with cheers and clapping ... myself included.  They talked about her feminism, her smoking and her lovers. I watched her parents expressions and they just laughed along with all of us at the mention of their dead daughters' many lovers. It was a memorial, but a celebration! No cliche hymns or prayers or sanitized, appropriate stories. It was true and beautiful. 

Her mom put together a photo mantage that turned me inside out. I was a puddle of tears. I was there with a few other yoga teachers and we just passed tissues and cried together. They showed pictures of her at home after she died covered in lace and rose petals. Such a tender photo. It was an amazing service and it doesn't feel dramatic to say that being there changed me on some level.

Going from the service back to life makes me think about what is important to me. What I want to happen to my body after I die. The people I love the most and what I believe in. It makes me so incredibly disgusted at petty fights, snide comments, lies told, mean looks and meanness that goes on between people and family members when life is so incredibly short. We all think we are going to die when we are old, but not all of us will. We think,"I'm mad at so-and-so because they did such-and-such to me so I will be mad at them." Such a waste of time. I know that not everyone has the life that I have so maybe it's easier for them to be angry. I have been lucky to have found true love. My soul mate ... if you believe in that :) He is kind, funny, smart, gentle, honorable and loving. I haven't even mentioned how handsome he is. It's like I can't spend enough time with him. I have two healthy, children who have all the same qualities of their dad and yet are these little unique rays of light in my heart. I have a college degree, a home and a reliable car. I have an honest relationship with each of my four siblings and I happily visit my parents at least once a week. So yeah, maybe it's easy for me to let petty things go by the wayside because, quite frankly, I prefer to be drama free and live a happy life because that's what I choose. About a year ago I found cancer on my body and I was lucky enough to have caught it early. I have my whole life to live and I choose to be happy.