Friends

Why is it so hard to make friends?

Real friends. Not acquaintances, but real call-you-and-we-talk-and-go-shopping-and-hang-out-without-our-kids type friends. I'm a normal girl. I would like a few normal friends please. WHY is that so hard to do?

Honestly, most women annoy me for some reason or another so it's no wonder that my contacts list isn't bursting at the seams ;) I don't want that either. I don't want lots of friends. I want two. Maybe three, but I want REAL friends.

As a Mom I totally understand not wanting to call and talk on the phone. Some days when I can manage to get both kids to sleep at the same time the last thing I want to do is get on the phone and talk about kids and kid stuff.

Finding time and energy to go out and do something with a friend is difficult, too. I know how much preparation it takes to leave the house with out your kids. It sometimes feels like it takes more preparation to leave with out them than with them and there's the guilt of leaving them home, but I digress. But I think that girlfriend time is important. I go out at night by myself and go shopping and that's nice too, but spending time with another Mom is nice in it's own way.

I've never had lots of friends ... let's just be honest here. I always had friends, of course, but I was never the girl with a million friends. The only friend I still have (that's a true friend that I talk to with any regularity) is Joe and I married him so no one can really compete with that ;)

Since I became a Mom I have realized that making friends is difficult. It's easy to pass the time and go to play groups, but it has been difficult for me to forge any true friendships (with one exception and she knows who she is ;)

I have gone to a few play groups. Some with kids and some just women getting together and going out with out kids and I always thought I was "in" with these groups of women.

Ultimately, something would happen and I would see that I was very clearly not in at all. If you have been going to a play group for a while and want to know if you're "in" the group here's how you can tell ... if you don't know who's in or who's out ... it's you. You're out. You're not in the "in" group. You're there and playing and they're talking to you, but you're not "in" the group.

They all get together and do other playgroups and outings with THE SAME group of women, but they don't invite you. WHY this happens ... I don't know. Why are you invitable to a playgroup, but not out to lunch or shopping or a movie? It sucks when you realize that has happened. It's embarrassing and it shouldn't be, but it is.

WHY can't I just enjoy the play group and not let the other stuff bother me? Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I'm desperate and they can sense that. Maybe I get on their nerves after one day and they can't handle another. You don't have to invite everyone to everything all the time. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Not everyone is going to like me and I get that. Trust me ... I annoy myself sometimes ;)

The point is ... making true friends is difficult.

Xox,
a.